|
 Dollars
and sense
by Mike Grenby
"Do you take this wo/man's financial habits ... to cherish ... for richer and poorer...?"
If you put it that way, you might not blame two about-to-become-newlyweds for pausing. In fact, even long-time spouses/partners often steer around such money matters.
Whether there's a June (or any other month) wedding in your future or you tied the knot long ago - and especially if it's a second (or third) relationship - take some time to talk dollars and sense.
Never assume you know how the other person feels or thinks.
Six years ago, when Mandy and I (married 29 years at the time) bought a little house in the country, I thought our plan was one day to move there.
But Mandy saw it only as a rental which we might stay in occasionally, perhaps between tenants. It was several years later before I discovered she felt this way.
Many churches and some community groups put on pre-marital counselling programs. They often use questionnaires on a wide variety of topics including financial matters.
Partners can compare their responses. That typically generates an "I didn't realize you felt that way" reaction. I have heard the same comment when counselling couples, often people who have been together for years. No wonder financial problems come up as one of the main causes of marital strife.
Deal with personal attitudes before you work out specific finances.
For example, how does each person feel about taking care of parents if that could be an issue? How about financial obligations - especially lending money - to other family members?
Does one partner have student loans or other debts and if so, will both partners help pay them off? If one partner earns more than the other, how will the money be divided up as "yours, mine and ours"? How will you deal with the family's finances if one person is a saver and the other a spender?
Once you have these matters resolved, then turn to housing, investing, income tax, insurance, powers of attorney and wills.
A long-term relationship usually involves millions of dollars of earning and spending. Any time and effort you invest toward improving the relationship is likely to produce a big payoff.
Mike Grenby is a columnist and independent personal financial adviser. He'll answer questions in this column as space allows but cannot reply personally. Send e-mail questions to mike@grenby.com and see previous columns at www.grenby.com. |
